Gotta Get Outa Bed
& Get a Hammer & A Nail¹

Hmm? What time is it? Oh, don't worry hon. Those noises just mean I'm getting e-mails from work and the number of messages I haven't responded to has reached a kind of critical mass. I've always found it best just to ignore it. Got any more of those General Tso's chicken flavored frozen waffles?

Sure Dad, we went to Price Club; we've got hundreds of them, but why are messages from your work coming here? And why don't you go to the office any more?

Well, you see, in an effort to promote the 3/9 Pendency Plan, management determined that precious, space-wasting managing attorney offices could be put to better use by subdividing them into new attorney cube farms. Managing attorneys had to either take a new office on P-1, or start working from home. Since the P-1 offices cost $5 a day, or $90 a month, I chose the "manage from home" plan. Pass the syrup.

Mom says it's more like delegate from home than work at home. She says that Leslie Bishop has taken out a contract on your life. What does that mean?

Hard to say, but I think I'm safe here from any senior attorney uprising. Besides, the senior attorneys are all too tired to do any real damage. Problem is, if I barricade myself in here, these cheesy hollow core doors won't stand up to too much battering. Want to know how to install new attractive raised panel doors?

Not at all, daddy.

If you want to replace a door and the jambs are in good shape, you can buy a raised panel door blank from a home center. Standard doors are 6 foot 8 inches tall, and 30, 32, or 36 inches wide. A nice raised panel door will cost between $25-$35. A solid wood door will cost twice as much.

Problem is that if you buy a door blank, you'll have to hang the door, and you'll have to chisel out the hinge mortise or use a router. Frankly, I'm not sure that the skill level of some of the folks in charge of our technical law offices is up to this. I mean, can anyone imagine Sid, or Mary Francis actually using class 7 or 8 goods - say, sweating a plumbing joint with a propane torch? I don't think so. And what's up with putting me, the guy who made the $99 suit famous, in charge of a clothing office? When it comes to selecting management officials never let it be said that Bob Anderson doesn't have a certain sense of fun.

A prehung door comes attached via hinges to it's own jamb, complete with new moldings, so it's much easier to install than a new door blank. The job is pretty straightforward: remove the old door and jamb, drop the new door into position, shim it plumb, and nail it up.

An interior prehung raised panel door will cost between $65 and $80 and a little less than twice that for a solid wood door. The lockset (the knob assembly) will cost $10-$45 depending on style and quality. You can pay as much as you want for an exterior door and lockset, but you must pay carefull attention to the manufacturer's installation instructions in order to make sure that you get a weathertight seal. With a prehung door, you have to pay attention to whether you want a right hand or left hand opening door since the hole for the knob is already cut.

First installation step is to remove the old door. Using a hammer and a screwdriver, just tap upward on the hinge pins until they come out and pull off the door. What you do with the door is the subject of another column.

Next step is to pry off the old doorjamb. Do this by scoring through the old paint and caulk around the moldings with a utility knife. Then carefully slip a mini pry bar between the wall and molding and pry a little at a time until the molding comes off. Do the same with the molding on the other side of the door and do with these moldings whatever you did with the door. Now pry off the doorjambs using a larger pry bar (soon you will need a larger toolbox to hold all these fine new tools).

You should now see the ugly old jack studs. If you're installing an exterior door, put a bead of polyurethane caulk on the rough doorsill (the part you walk on) because exterior prehung doors come with a new threshold. Remove the "T" shaped shipping nails in the new door, and center it into the opening. Using a carpenter's level, check that the hinge side of the jamb is plumb. Insert shims to hold the door steady and square, and tack it into position with 16d finishing nails through the hinge jamb into the jack stud to hold it in position. From both sides of the door, tap wood shims (a package of about 50 shims costs about a dollar) into the space between the jamb and the jack stud right behind each hinge. Be careful to keep everything plumb. Now nail the jamb to the stud using a couple nails so that the nails pass through the shims.

Using your level, square, and more shims, make sure the rest of the door is square and plumb. Adjust the shims so that the gap between the jamb and the door isn't wider or narrower at the bottom than it is at the top. Be sure to shim behind the strike plate (across from where the knob will go) and adjust it so that there is about 1/16" clearance between the lock and the lock jamb. Now nail everything up and be sure all 6 screws are installed into each hinge and that the screws are tight. The door should swing freely without noise or binding. Next install the lockset you've chosen into the precut hole in the door. Most prehung doors come with their own moldings, so nail them up. Recess all the finishing nails with a nail set (another new tool!) and fill all the divots with painter's putty. Go have a beer.

Look Daddy, aren't those the senior attorneys? Why are they attacking the house with torches and pitchforks?

Don't worry hon, they'll never get through these new doors, and even if they lay siege to the house, we won't starve - oh, and how about popping a pad-thai flavored waffle in the toaster while you're up? Hope we've got plenty of syrup!